Unlocking Happiness: Key Insights from 'The Courage to Be Disliked'

I recently finished reading "The Courage to Be Disliked" by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga. Typically, non-fiction books can be dense, with authors distilling complex concepts into lengthy explanations. However, this book is refreshingly different. Based on Alfred Adler's principles—an Austrian psychologist and philosopher, contemporary to Sigmund Freud—the authors present these ideas through an engaging dialogue between a philosopher and a young man.

Interestingly, I learned from the book that Socrates, the great philosopher, never wrote a book; it was his student Plato who documented his teachings. Similarly, Adler conveyed his ideas through dialogue and debates with intellectuals. Kishimi and Koga adopted this style, creating a natural and relatable conversation between the philosopher and the young man. This format made the book a quick read for me, finishing it in just a week—remarkably fast for non-fiction.

Central Themes and Insights

The central theme of the book is that we can live happy and fulfilled lives without being burdened by the past or future. It's not your usual feel-good self-help book; it addresses fundamental aspects of life, often with hard-hitting truths. The book is divided into five sections, each representing an evening when the young man meets the philosopher, posing questions that are answered thoughtfully.

Here are some noteworthy insights from the book:

1. Unhappiness is a Choice:

   • Adler argues that unhappiness is something we choose for ourselves. This idea was initially shocking to me. The book rejects the concept of living in trauma, suggesting that people use past traumas to justify their current state, as it serves their 'purpose'. We are not determined by our experiences; instead, the meaning we assign to them is what shapes our lives.

2. Rejection of Cause and Effect:

   • The book discards the cause-and-effect concept (etiology) and embraces teleology (purpose-driven). Believing our past controls us is what Adler calls a "life-lie." As long as we adhere to etiology, we will remain stagnant.

3. Fabricated Emotions:

   • Emotions, such as anger, are fabricated to fulfill specific goals, like shouting. Our emotions are tools to justify our actions. We have the power to control our emotions but often use them as excuses.

4. Interpersonal Relationship Problems:

   • All problems are rooted in interpersonal relationships. The concept of "separation of tasks" clarifies how we should manage our relations. Much anxiety stems from intruding into others' tasks. By focusing on our tasks and letting others handle theirs, we can reduce conflicts and stress. We should discard the need for recognition from others, accept ourselves as we are, and accept others as they are, achieving true freedom.

5. Living in the Moment:

   • Life is not a straight line but a series of moments (dots). We live only in the current moment, and our lives are shaped by the decisions we make at each dot. We often think freedom lies in the future, but it actually exists in the present.

6. Everyone Can Change:

   • Regardless of our past, everyone can change. The biggest obstacle to change is ourselves.

7. Community and Belonging:

   • Living a larger life involves contributing to the community. A true sense of worth comes from feeling beneficial to others. Loneliness stems from feeling excluded, even when surrounded by people.

8. Vertical vs. Horizontal Relationships:

   • The book discusses vertical (hierarchical) and horizontal (equal) relationships. Adler suggests we should not praise or rebuke but rather appreciate contributions and engage in straightforward conversations, fostering horizontal relationships.

9. Freedom to Choose Meaning:

   • We are free to choose the meaning of our experiences. No experience is inherently good or bad; it’s our interpretation that defines them.

10. Perception Shapes Reality:

    • The world is inherently simple and consistent, but our thoughts and perceptions define our reality.

The book is rich with anecdotal examples, making complex concepts easily understandable. "The Courage to Be Disliked" is definitely worth reading multiple times for its profound insights.

Living Philosophically: A Daily Inquiry

• Did you do anything good today?
• Did you do anything wrong today?
• Did you take care of yourself today?
• Did you learn anything today
• Were you grateful towards anyone today?

Source: X.com

Rich Dad Poor Dad - Notes

I was sifting through my old notes and then found the notes I had written from the book 'Rich Dad Poor Dad.' That was dated February 2006, so 17 years ago.

This book is a must-read for everyone.

Here are the notes...

• A 'useless person' is someone who lacks the courage to persist and gives up whenever life presents challenges. They live their entire lives playing it safe, doing the right things, but never taking risks or seizing opportunities.
• It's often easier to change yourself than to try to change everyone else around you.
• The happiness that money brings is often short-lived, and people often find themselves constantly chasing more money in search of more joy, pleasure, security, and comfort.
• Human life is a continuous struggle between ignorance and enlightenment.
• As the saying goes, 'A fool and his money are soon parted.'
• If you find that you've dug yourself into a hole, the best course of action is to stop digging.
• The golden rule applies: those who possess gold make the rules.
• The wealthy invest in assets, the poor only accumulate expenses, and the middle class often confuses liabilities with assets.
• Robin Hood, as the book suggests, may not be as noble as we once thought.
• Taxes, which were initially intended to penalize the rich, often end up burdening the very poor who supported them.
• Financial intelligence consists of knowledge in four broad areas: accounting, investing, understanding markets, and law.
• Holding onto old, outdated ideas can be a significant liability.
• Many people miss the opportunity of a lifetime, even when it's right in front of them.
• It's not just about how much money you make, but how much you manage to keep that truly matters.
• Understanding the distinction between assets and liabilities is crucial.
• A job can provide a short-term solution to a long-term problem.
• The book advises paying yourself first, and then addressing your creditors and taxes.
• Don't let the pessimism of others affect your decision-making.
• Three crucial management skills include cash flow management, people management, and personal time management.
• Combining intelligence with arrogance often results in ignorance."

Jonathan Livingston Seagull

"Jonathan Livingston Seagull" by Richard Bach is a relatively short novel, but it contains several valuable life lessons and philosophical insights. I read this book last summer along with my daughter.

After reading the book, I wondered at how beautifully the book was written; I find this book is a peak in metaphoric language. Everything that's discussed in the book carries a deep meaning. It is a great book for everyone, and children, in particular, would benefit from it. On a side note, the title reminded me of our old neighbors when we were kids. The uncle's name is David(he is no more:( ), and their elder son's name is John Livingstone; we used to call him 'anna' (brother). I used to wonder then why someone would be named Livingstone; it sounded so oxymoronic. After reading this book, I strongly believe that David uncle, might have named John after the book, or someone may have suggested it to him.

Here are some of the key learnings from the book:

Individuality and Self-Discovery: The book emphasizes the importance of discovering one's true self and pursuing individuality. Jonathan Livingston Seagull's journey is a metaphor for self-discovery and the realization that conformity isn't the only path in life.

Determination and Perseverance: Jonathan's unwavering determination to become a better flyer teaches us that pursuing our passions often requires hard work, practice, and persistence. It's a reminder that we should be willing to put in the effort to achieve our goals.

Courage to Break from the Norm: The book encourages us to have the courage to break away from societal norms and expectations. Jonathan faces ridicule and rejection from his flock when he seeks to improve himself, but he persists in his pursuit of excellence.

Limitless Potential: "Jonathan Livingston Seagull" suggests that we often underestimate our potential. We can achieve extraordinary things when we push beyond our self-imposed limitations and beliefs.

Freedom and Fulfillment: Jonathan's quest for flight is symbolic of the human desire for freedom and fulfillment. It reminds us that we should strive for a life that aligns with our true passions and desires, rather than settling for mediocrity.

Unconventional Teachers: Jonathan learns from unconventional teachers who don't conform to the norms of society. This teaches us that valuable lessons can be found in unexpected places and from unexpected sources.

Teaching and Sharing Knowledge: Once Jonathan masters the art of flight, he returns to teach others. This underscores the importance of sharing knowledge and helping others grow, even if it means challenging the status quo.

Spiritual and Philosophical Themes: The book delves into spiritual and philosophical themes, encouraging readers to contemplate the meaning of life, purpose, and existence. It raises questions about the nature of reality and self-awareness.

Nonconformity and Non-Judgment: Jonathan's story reminds us not to judge others based on their choices or differences. He is initially judged by his flock for his nonconformity, but he doesn't judge them in return.

Transcendence: The story ultimately leads to a state of transcendence for Jonathan, where he becomes more than just a seagull. This reflects the idea that through self-discovery and self-improvement, we can transcend our own limitations and become something greater.

It is a thought-provoking and inspirational book that encourages readers to reflect on their own lives and choices. It advocates for self-expression, personal growth, and the pursuit of one's passions.

Sapiens - A brief history of mankind

Guess what? I finally finished reading 'Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind.' I got this recommendation from another great book 'The Almanac of Naval Ravikant'. He was all about how 'Sapiens' spills the beans on our evolution and spills some secrets about why we humans do the things we do. Intrigued by what he said, I grabbed a copy as fast as I could, and I have to say, it's one of the best books I've ever read.

So, 'Sapiens' is like a time machine that takes you through different times in history. You practically feel like you're there, soaking in all the important moments that made us who we are. And those 'aha!' moments? They're like the lightbulb moments that make you go 'Wow!'

As I read, I jotted down notes to remember all the cool stuff I was learning. These notes pretty much sum up the main ideas from 'Sapiens' – these big concepts that totally change how we think about how we became us. 

The back cover was something that increased my curiosity further. Gossip was always thought of in a negative way, but I was pleasantly surprised to learn that our civilization actually thrived through gossip. Immense knowledge was passed down through generations thanks to gossip.

There are several mental models that have played crucial roles in shaping human history and society. Some of these mental models include:

Myths and Narratives: The ability to create and believe in shared myths and narratives allowed humans to cooperate flexibly in large groups. These stories served as a unifying force and enabled people to work together towards common goals.

Human civilization thrived through gossip

Agricultural Revolution: The shift from a nomadic, hunter-gatherer lifestyle to agriculture marked a significant mental model shift. The adoption of agriculture led to the establishment of settled societies, the concept of property ownership, and the development of hierarchies. 

Yuval makes a controversial statement that Agriculture is a scam. Only after reading further, you understand why he says that. 

Money: Money is a widely accepted shared belief system that facilitates complex trade and cooperation. It's a mental model that represents value, enabling individuals to exchange goods and services efficiently.

Empire: The idea of empires and imperial rule is a mental model that allowed for the organization and control of diverse cultures and territories under a single authority.

An interesting concept, "The Dunbar number", coined after anthropologist Robin Dunbar, is a cognitive limit to the number of stable social relationships a person can maintain. It's estimated to be around 150 individuals, suggesting that our brains are optimized for social interaction within this range.

Religion: Religious beliefs provided moral and ethical frameworks that guided human behavior, fostering cooperation and order within societies.

The Hammurabi Code, an ancient Babylonian legal code dating back to 1754 BCE, is mentioned in the book. This code is one of the earliest known examples of written laws and offers insights into the societal norms and governance structures of the time.

Nation: The concept of nations and nationalism introduced a mental model that united people based on shared culture, language, and identity, leading to the formation of modern nation-states.

Yuval introduced the concept of 'Nation' by explaining how a company like 'Peugeot' managed to thrive for decades using the made-up idea of a brand and nation.

Capitalism: The economic model of capitalism is built on the mental model of free markets and competition, shaping modern economies and trade systems.

Biological Manipulation: Advances in biological sciences have led to a mental model shift where humans now possess the ability to manipulate and engineer living organisms, impacting medicine, agriculture, and more.

An intriguing concept in the book that I absolutely loved reading about is when he explains how Homo sapiens managed to outcompete other hominins like Neanderthals and Homo erectus. He delves into various theories of replacement, interbreeding, and different scenarios.

Imagined Communities: The notion of imagined communities, where people feel a sense of belonging to a larger group even if they've never met most of the members, has influenced the development of societies and identities.

Scientific Revolution: The mental model shift brought about by the scientific method and empirical observation transformed how humans understand the world and led to technological advancements.

These mental models highlight the power of shared beliefs, ideas, and frameworks in shaping human behavior, societies, and civilizations over time. Each model represents a significant shift in human cognition and cooperation, contributing to the complex tapestry of our history.

Timeline of History: This is so deeply etched in my brain I will never forget this.

• The book starts with the timeline of history. 
• 6 million years back was when human existence started. 
• 2.5 million years back the first stone tools were used. 
• 300 thousand years back fire was used. 
• 70 thousand years back when the magic happened, the cognitive revolution started.
• 12 thousand years back agricultural revolution started and then humans transitioned from foragers to farmers. Then came social structures, kingdoms, nations etc. 
• 2000 years ago religion started. 
• 500 years ago scientific revolution happened. 
• 200 years back the Industrial Revolution started.

Finishing 'Sapiens' feels like I've been on this awesome adventure. It's like looking at our past and how we humans got here all over again.

Bonus Trivia: Did you know? The first named individual in recorded history was actually an accountant named Kushim, hailing from ancient Mesopotamia!

Great Place to Work

I sometimes wonder when I look at websites of various companies the way they showcase about their workplace by putting videos of some select few associate's testimonials, colorful photographs of smiling happy employees and unauditable facts, wondering if they all are real.
It so seems like people associated with those companies are living in utopia and not working there is actually supposed to make you feel deprived of happiness which you never had experienced.

With that, would like to ask few questions to all those who are reading this.
What makes a place great place to work?

Is it the culture of the company?
Is it the policies of the company?
The vision, mission of the company?
The quality of the people in the company?
The compensation structure of the company?
The brand value of the company, how it is perceived by others?

A lot of times I see companies go for external validation (GOD and the jury of the agency only know the reality) as they know if they look inwards they will never get the answer which they want. The more a company boasts about its external accreditation the more I doubt its veracity.

For me if a place is a great place to work, when there is some sense of belonging. Like the way we feel when we are at our homes. If someone says I don't have peace at home, then am sorry it is not the home I am meaning. Now thanks to wfh if someone is working in a bad company, even homes start losing its belonging. As you are constantly carrying the stress, which in pre-covid times was left at bay in office.

Now how does this belonging to company can come?
It comes with the people you are surrounded with, the people with who you spend your work time.
It comes if you feel your objectives are aligned with the company's objectives
It comes if the trust levels are high
It comes when company does what it says and says only what it really means.

Recently a friend and colleague of mine shared an anecdote on Linkedin. Its a story of Shivaji Maharaj how his soldiers went beyond lengths to achieve goals set by their leader and how Shivaji commands total dedication and trust.

A lot of people had reflected several thoughts on how it was achieved.

Basically it is about alignment of goals and empathy by the leader which builds a great team who are genuinely motivated and thus wherever they work even it is deepest of the mines or an oil rig far off in Antarctica makes it a great place to work.

An Ignored Soul's Perspective

This incident happened today morning, while I was going to my office...I was walking along one of the busiest roads in Hyderabad.

There are many beautiful plants placed all along the median to decorate the road.....but this naughty one plant spotted me...and taunted me while I was trying to cross the road..

If you see...It's eagerly looking for people to come closer to it.....This pic was taken at 8:30am..so could take a clear picture.. and the next time one can take a clear picture is only after 24 hrs only..I am sure it hates the sun for that very reason...

...

Intimidated by it...I cross the road..

Plant ..- "Hey Buddy, come closer dude...I know you got an S3..could you please take a snap of mine..."

..I heard that..and as a friendly gesture took this photo...so that it doesnt taunt me the next time, while I keep struggling to cross the road..

 

For a person who is busy driving along the road..these plants seem to be very beautiful ..But a closer examination reveals the reality....it has got loads of grease all over..

Read this :  How plants are affected by pollution

"What seems to be, is, to those to whom it seems to be, and is productive of the most dreadful consequences to those to whom it seems to be, even of torments, despair, eternal death."

- William Blake (1757-1827) British poet and painter

I dont think anyone in this world would have cared about this..there will be many thinking on how jobless one can be to write on such thing..

This blog is not an attempt to motivate someone to go and wash the plant..but it is motivate people to acknowledge the living things around us..the living things could be anything..

 

I promised the plant that I will upload it's pic on the net..

Leader and Entrepreneur - Qualities

I had attended a 2 day workshop on "Leadership & Motivation" recently.

 

I felt 2 days was too little time to cover all aspects but the facilitator utilised the time really well in meeting the expectations of the participants.

 

The workshop comprised of

• Pyschometric test
• Leadership profile based on the test outcome
• Ring-tossing game (individual + team)
• Analysis of the game
• Case Study

 

I cannot explain fully on what all was covered during the workshop in my blog but to keep it simple, the below are the qualities possessed by successful leaders and entrepreneurs.

• Initiative
• Seeking and acting upon opportunities
• Persistence
• Information seeking
• Concern for high quality
• Commitment to work contract
• Efficiency orientation
• Systematic planning
• Problem solving
• Self-confidence
• Assertiveness
• Persuasion
• Use of influencing strategies
• Monitoring
• Concern for others

Each one of us can do kind of introspection and evaluate ourselves on each of the quality to understand our leadership profile.

 

I was given a case study on persuasion and below was the flowchart I made to explain the case. The faciltator liked the flowchart approach :)

Dealing a yelling boss

How to deal with a yelling boss?

I know a lot of people who are clueless on how to deal with such situations. The person yelling could be an employer, a colleague, a friend or a family member but the thing which makes it more uncomfortable is when the person is your boss.

 

For all those people, who are facing this situation, I hope this post would be of some use.

The reasons why someone gets into such situation

• Misunderstanding the expectations of boss
• Lacking subject knowledge
• Missing a deadline genuinely/carelessness
• By nature the boss being an aggressive person
• Boss's bad mood being carried away
• ....the list goes on

The reasons why such situations become stressful

• Fear of career within and outside the company being at stake
• Fear of not getting proper appraisals/promotion
• Current financial dependencies
• Location dependencies
• Ashamed of being yelled/abused in public
• Comparison with colleagues [who you dont consider competitive enough]
• High regards for the boss [ you just cant digest a disparaging comment from him]

Consequences

• You don't enjoy coming to office
• Lose focus/interest on job
• Lose confidence on abilities to perform the job
• Creativity is severely hampered
• Become overly submissive
• Mental and Physical health deteriorates
• Personal life gets disturbed [scared to take leaves/permission for personal works]

Tactics to overcome such situations

Entreprenuershit-p

A very interesting take on Entrepreneurship.. Must read for all those dreaming of startups

Entrepreneurshit. The Truth About Building Starutps from msuster

Nobody is perfect

Knowing our weakness is just not enough, we should strive hard towards improvement. We should try to be among the best.

Looking for a change

I want to become a farmer, No! Am not joking nor I am out of my senses. I've had this thought for quite a long time. I want to take a break and go to some village and work on fields, at least for a short period like an internship. I want to sweat out and earn for living.
Am really sick of these brick and mortar jobs of meetings, conferences, emails, presentations which seems all artificial and lifeless.

By being a farmer....
You can experience and feel the nature to the closest....
... breathe the fresh air..
.. stay fit..
...interact with the nature and feel that you are also a part of the ecology

Give it a try:)

"Trying to comprehend what GOD is ...is just like a computer program trying to comprehend what its developer is"







PS : sorry for the micro-post readers..I'm in a philosophical mood today :)
PPS: I believe in GOD!

Thought for the day!

శత విహాయ భోక్తవ్యం - సహస్రం స్నాన మాచరేత్
లక్షం విహాయ దాతవ్యం - కోటిం త్యక్త్యా హరిం భజేత్!!

వంద పనులు విడిచిపెట్టయినా వేళకు భోజనం చేయాలి. వేయి పనులు విడిచి స్నానం చేయాలి . లక్ష పనులు విడిచి దానం చేయాలి. కోటి పనులు విడిచి దైవ ప్రార్ధన చేయాలి…

I'll transliterate and translate the meaning for the benefit of everyone.

Satha vihaaya bokthavyam - sahasram snaana machareth
Laksham vihaaya daathavyam - Kotam thrukthya haaram bajeth

Meaning:- You may skip a hundred other activities to have your food, a thousand activities to take bath, a lakh activities to donate alms and a crore to offer prayers to the almighty.

Source :- Jyothi's Blog

Philosophical stuff!

"Our life is always uncertain, it's a short period where we meet many people..of them there will be some good ones.. before u run out of time and die..appreciate them..and let them know that you respect them and love them...be good to people..make friends..and die happily"

Family - another perspective

This is a serious post and the longer it is the boring it becomes so KISSing it.

I am doing this course called Indian Social Structure. I was reading about family and relationships and felt it's thought provoking.Never in my life I gave a serious thought on family (in isolation) cos I felt it something too silly to think about and has always taken it for granted. I believe it's the same case with most of the people. I've realized how complex is a family only after doing this course. I would like to the share just the sociological definition of family and will keep it crisp, saving the rest of the globe for my exams.:)

In sociological terms a family is an institution based on the idea of compulsory hetero-sexuality. A feminist would definitely agree to the definition of Family as an arena of power struggle, uneven asymmetric distribution of power, typically the old over young, male over female. This idea resides in the concept of marriage (legitimate domain of sexuality) in Indian context.

One thing I observed in sociology, the word institution is over used. According to it marriage, family, caste, relationship...and the list doesn't end (il y a beaucoup) all are different institutions.

I am chanting this

"Asatoma Sadgamaya
Thamaso Maa Jyothir Gamaya
Mrithyor Maa Amrutham Gamaya
Aum Shanti Shanti Shantihi"

One of our Professors lectured on the strategic pursuit of Human needs. The framework goes like this

It basically explains the hierarchy of our needs, starting with bodily needs followed by monetary needs and finally ending with self-actualization.

The framework above says that in the process of pursuing one's needs one has to adhere to the dharma, which is moral and social order. Indian culture never encouraged celibacy nor it discouraged earning money. But being ethical in both is what it emphasizes from the above framework.

A lot of people(even me) think that it is Maslow who discovered the hierarchy of needs but having gone through this ...I realize the greatness of our culture and rich heritage.

Our contribution to the humankind is unmatchable, We may not have produced enough Phds,nobel laureates in the recent times but we have a lot to our credit.

Vedas, Upanishads, Vedantas, Yoga, Yama, Niyama, Ayurveda, Kamasutra, Arthasastra..the list goes on...